Forgotten Love

Down below is a little bit of private memories; I don't mind sharing them, its to get a point across.
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I actually did a love poem. At least, it is for me.

This is about as true as it gets for me. As a woman, I desire to feel loved and wanted, especially by a good man. For a while now, I have sought out that kind of love from suitors...I was actually engaged to be married at one point.

But...everything usually falls apart, and in the end, I am left to stare at the beautiful ocean sunsets, alone. I am surrounded by people who have a boyfriend or a husband; I see that they are happy, at least on the outside, they are in love. And I am alone. I don't have that special person to hold my hand and tell me how much he loves me. At least...I usually feel I don't.

I was feeling this way this morning when I went on facebook and found out that one of my high school friends is getting married in a week. She's around the same age as me...21...which I think is pretty young to marry, (but who am I to talk...I wanted to get married when I was 18!) and I felt this overwhelming surge of sadness and loneliness. nearly every single one of my high school and college friends are married, or are getting married.

The last "boyfriend" I had visited me six months ago for about a week to try for a relationship after several years of knowing each other (we went to college together). Everything turned to a big soap opera, we got into a fight, and we concluded that we should wait a little while longer and try again for a relationship when we were both more mature enough for it. He left...and three months later...I heard he got married. I was stunned. I was still in love with this guy! I remembered then that I have a special gift I acquired when I was lost in the darkness...I have the ability to locate and utterly destroy whatever emotion or feelings I have, be it anger, joy, happiness, peace. I can kill it. So that's what I did...I killed the feeling of love inside my heart for not just this man...but for all men. After years and years of bitterness, betrayal, and heartache, I was done. I am done. I'm tired of being abused, cheated on, and used.

But doesn't mean I won't feel sadness and regret...it always comes back. Like this morning. It was in that moment that the Lord gently intervened and reminded me that I am not alone; I am not forsaken, and I am not unloved. After the last guy, after I methodically murdered my emotions of love, God had to go back into my heart and repair the damage I had done. He rebuilt my heart, and while He was doing so, He made it very clear to me that, while a mortal man will fail me...He never will. He will always be there and His love is perfect and selfless. I was healed, but I made a promise that I would love no other except for God. I suck at keeping my promises, I will be the first to admit this. I am as guilty as they come at breaking promises. But my promise has been fortified this time: I asked the Lord to take all my attraction for human men and replace it with attraction for Him, for desire to pursue Him and all He has for me in this life. Guess what?

He did it, and it didn't take long. He did it instantly...like He had been waiting for me to ask Him to do it.

I was reminded this morning of my promise. Then the Lord reminded me that I am loved by the King of kings and Lord of lords. He is my Strong Man. He is my Guidance. He is my Savior. The Lover of my soul is the sovereign King of the universe! And I felt depressed and sad because my friend from high school was getting married?! Don't get me wrong! I'm so happy for her! She was like me and felt that she could never be loved...so I am rejoicing at the fact that she is finally with the man of her dreams...But I am happy now too! I have my Man...I don't need anyone else. I don't need a wedding ring! I have eternal life, which will outlast any diamond. Mortal love will eventually fade away...but God's love never does.

God's love is the forgotten love...until He chooses to reveal the true depths of that love...then you are lost in it forever, and there never will be a substitute for it.