Again...no one can tell me there isn't a God...because I can tell you, right now...if there wasn't a God...I would be dead. Plain and simple as that. You may still have your doubts, but my doubts have been forever erased, never to return (thank God).
Last night...I was a foolish young woman. I behaved selfishly, and in a moment of pain and hurt and anger, I hurt myself. I tried to OD in rebellion to those around me who mock me for the simplest things, and have their jolly fun at the expense of my emotions. I...did not know how much of my painkillers I took. A handful, at least...the rest of the bottle that I had. In a moment's clarity, I realized my terrible mistake, and I fell flat on my face before God and begged Him for mercy...for I didn't know if I was going to live or die in the next few hours. As I prayed and sought forgivness for my selfish sin and self-destruction attempt...I felt the Spirit of God come to me and say this, "Dani...you have forgotten why you are alive. You need a reminder as to why you live, why you choose to serve Me. A lesson to teach you that I am the One in control...not you." I knew it was a warning...and I was ready to face the consequences to my actions...as I lay on my floor I thought about everything I had to lose if I died. The pain I would cause others...the burden I would leave them with. And I was filled again with distress. I finally said, "God I can't do this anymore. I'm done. Take this from me. I lay my life in Your hands." The moments ticked by, and I had peace. I turned off the lights, laid down in my bed, and closed my eyes, trusting in God. If I lived...it would be because of Him and Him alone. If I died...well, that was His will too, for I no longer had control over my life at that point.
My sleep was undisturbed until about 4 am...I awoke from a burning sensation in my lungs...and I realized that I wasn't breathing. Normally, when the burning becomes too much...my normal breathing reflexes kick in. Not this time. My body did not have the strength to even work the muscles that would allow me to take in air. I panicked as I felt myself starting to sink into unconsciouness...there was a terrible buzzing in my ears, like a thousand angry bees, and it began to quiet and go dim...I was losing sensation to the rest of my body, and the burn in my chest increased. But still I could not breathe. My heart lurched and thudded strangely...and in my moment of panic I cried out to God in my mind, my spirit...I asked Him to not let me die. to save me. That was when I felt a ghostly Presence there with me, settling over me, and I felt air being forced down my throat and into my lungs....the sweetest breath I have ever been given. For...I don't know how long...this Presence breathed for me, until my natural reflexes kicked in and I started to breathe on my own. I was so exhausted that I instantly dropped off the grid and into unconsciouness...but at least I was breathing. I was still alive. I am alive now.
I AM ALIVE!! THANK YOU LORD!
I remember why I am alive now...why I have been given chance after chance after chance...when I didn't deserve those chances. I am alive because God WANTS me alive. To love Him...to serve Him...to serve others. How did I forget? How could I have forgotten? I pray I don't forget again...for next time....if there is a next time...I may not be coming back. No...I learned my lesson. I am alive for the glory of my King.
I do have an announcement to make...my camera died. So until I get a new camera...no more pictures. I have some wildlife pictures from my Montana trip...but these are the last ones. Sorry